“Leave room for Jesus”: How to club without getting COVID

After two years of being closed, clubs and bars have re-opened and are in full swing in Downtown Vancouver.

But don’t start sticking your tongue down someone’s throat just yet. In an attempt to not be shut down again, club owners are asking that you “leave room for Jesus.”

What does that mean?

According to former mole-person turned club promoter Steve Stevenson, it means keeping at least a full arm’s length apart. You know the distance where it’s hard to talk to each other but you’re not in each other’s space? Aim for that.

“Or do butt stuff!” says Steve. No, not that kind of butt stuff. He means dancing back to back, in order to breathe away from each other. Although Steve says he would be into that kind of butt stuff if you wanted to give him your number. Wait, did you say no? “Oh well…*bitch*” he whispers, walking away now.

Clubs are also encouraging patrons not to drink others’ drinks, even those left unattended on tables.

“I know it’s tough when all you want to do is get sloppy drunk,” says club owner Marcel Patine, “but just to be safe… For now.”

The province has stipulated that club-goers wear masks on the dance floor. When we asked Patine how that was going he responded, “Hahahaha, are you serious? No one’s doing that.”