Missed Connections

I saw you in Starbucks, wearing a fur coat and a mink hat. As you ordered your hazelnut Americano, I couldn’t help but wonder if coffee is the only thing you like tall, dark and strong? Hit me up and you’ll upsize your life to a grande.

. . .

I saw you at the student health clinic, discussing the diseases you may have acquired during your vacation to Mexico. You’re not the only one who likes to have a good time. I too am burning: with desire to be yours. They say love is worth the risk, even if that risk is herpes.

. . .

I saw you in the Great Hall, staring intently at your phone, brow furrowed in concentration, your eyes a stormy grey. It made me feel like you were tackling some great mystery of the universe, though I have a suspicion you were just watching porn.

. . .

I saw you at SE6 and then at the library. Then I followed you on Twitter. Then I added you to my dashboard on Tumblr, liked all your photos on Instagram and then friended you on Facebook. I know we’ll be together soon. Until then I’ll be planning our wedding on Pinterest.

. . .

I saw you on the patio at Professor Mugg’s, drinking loudly and smoking with your friends, discussing which boy you wanted to take home that night. I thanked God for all the poor choices he allowed you to make, hoping that one day I would be one of them. Message me back and we’ll go for a pint or three.

. . .

I saw you at the gym, drinking a protein shake out of a shaker cup. You’re like, so committed to being fit. Me too—when I’m at Triple O’s I buy a Diet Coke. I know you’d be so proud.

. . .

I saw you—or rather, heard you—singing Nickelback in halls of NE1. You do the best impression of Chad’s voice, an impressive quality to find in a woman. Message me back and we’ll drink wine out of a box while watching Bubbles pick up cats in Trailer Park Boys.[hr]

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