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Scarlet Letters: January 23, 2013

Scarlet writes about sex and relationships. Have a burning question? Email!

Dear Scarlet,

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for about five months now and I have yet to achieve orgasm while he’s inside of me. Is this normal?

— Cumming or Going


Dearest COG,

That depends on whether or not you have achieved orgasm during penetration in the past.

It is not uncommon to be unable to peak during sex. According to The Case of the Female Orgasm, approximately 75 per cent of women who can orgasm through other methods still struggle during the act of sex. From a physical standpoint, most women need a certain level of clitoral stimulation to reach full orgasm, so dare I say that perhaps your man isn’t spending enough time eating out downtown?

If you have been able to achieve orgasms in the past, it could very well be a small psychological issue. Some women have difficulty being comfortable, or “letting go” during sex, which can often lead to frustration and a further inability to reach climax.

It could also potentially even be a combination of both physical and mental factors. Try masturbating with a dildo by yourself, see if you can reach orgasm alone. If you can, then bring your boyfriend along and see if between the two of you can climax with a combination of masturbation and sex.

I always stress communication and comfort, so if the masturbation/sex combo gets you off, toss the dildo aside and rise to the occasion.

— Scarlet


Dear Scarlet,

While I was having sex with my partner, I farted. I’ve heard of people passing gas during yoga, is it normal to pass gas during sex or while having an orgasm?

— Blanket Bomber


Hey BB,

In a word, yes. It is perfectly normal during sex for gas to be passed, bearing down combined with letting go of the anal sphincter could leave your partner wondering who let all these ducks into the bedroom. At some point in time everyone will experience this embarrassing little reminder that we are, in fact, human, so I wouldn’t worry too much about it.

Ultimately, I think it’s time to realize that if you are capable of enough intimacy to have sex, perhaps you are capable of the kind of intimacy that allows you to share other natural bodily functions without the fear of judgement. Part of the act of sex is letting go — if you and your partner are unable to laugh at this little slip and brush it off, you may want to ask yourself if there is a larger issue.

— Scarlet[hr]

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