Scarlet Letters: No easy answers when looking for love

Scarlet writes about sex and relationships. Have a burning question? Email scarlet@! 


(Courtesy of Stuart Conner)

(Courtesy of Stuart Conner)


Just a quick question: how can I find a girlfriend in school?

— Love 2 Give


Dearest L2G,

Get ready to laminate this issue, L2G, because you’ll want to cherish it as the defining article in your future love life’s success (hopefully).

When you’re looking for a potential girlfriend, a boyfriend, or even when you’re looking for new friends, you’ll have to put yourself out there for the world to see. Give up the idea of being afraid to fail, and come to terms with your bachelor status. Once you relax and begin being social with the intention of having fun, you’ll

exude a confidence and self- sufficiency that most women — nay, most people — find very attractive.

Try to focus on meeting new friends, particularly female friends. This will allow you the opportunity to become more comfortable speaking with women, and give you the chance to understand how women think and feel in general. Approaching women on a consistent basis will also help you gain confidence and boost your ability to be yourself (which is important!).

Use your networking skills. This is BCIT, right? I think they encourage that sort of thing here. Join a club. Go to Mugs with your classmates, sign up for an elective, or study in the Great Hall with your group. Stop making your coffee at home and grab something from the Rix in the off chance you’ll meet a brunette ordering a latte and get a moment’s flirt in.

Don’t be picky when expanding your network, either. A conversation today with the nice, old guy brushing up on his computer skills part-time

may be tomorrow’s hot granddaughter with a stellar personality.

— Scarlet


Dear Scarlet,

I sometimes worry about how I taste and smell when the guy I’m with goes down on me. Is there anything I can do about it? I’ve never used a douche or anything before, is it worth trying?

— Funk Masta


Hey FM,

The truth is that even if your partner thinks you smell amazing, you won’t enjoy the moment if you’re worried about offending his nostrils. Your best bet is to combine a little self-esteem with a little pre-wash.

Cleansing your special places with soap and water before sex will hopefully boost your confidence — and allow you to focus on what your partner is doing. And hey, try having a

little fun with it: why not take a shower or bath together as foreplay? Many adult shops carry hypoallergenic soaps designed for this.

FM, even if you don’t wash first, try to focus your attention on the sensations created by your partner, and spend less time thinking about his enjoyment level.

If he voluntarily heads downtown and stays there, there’s a good chance he’s not offended by your scent.

Finally: please avoid the douche. According to the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG), it is recommended that women do not douche. Douching can change the delicate balance of vaginal flora (organisms that live in the vagina). In a healthy vagina there are both good and bad bacteria. Any changes can cause an increase in growth of bad bacteria which can lead to a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis. In the off-chance you have a vaginal infection, douching can push the bacteria-causing the infection into the uterus, fallopian tubes, and ovaries, and then you’ll be in a much worse spot then prior to douche.

— Scarlet



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