Smoking versus Facebook

Is nicotine worse than obsessive-compulsive Facebook disorder? 

I can’t tell which addiction is worse: Facebook or cigarettes. To set this controversial debate to rest, I will begin by logging myself into Facebook. Oh wait, I’m already logged in on two devices.

So far, this experiment is going smoothly. For cigarettes, I’ll have to rely on observation, as I’m not actually a smoker. As a student, it would be fiscally irresponsible of me to invest in smoking right now, especially with the cost of a pack set to increase in April.

Facebook is a cheaper addiction. Scroll through your newsfeed 80 times a day if you want, you still only have to pay your monthly Internet fee. For less than a dollar a day, you can have unlimited Facebook.

Smoking, on the other hand, is marked up more severely than airport food. And it’s not like they’re even made with a secret recipe — we all know what’s in them. As a self-proclaimed experimental cook, I’ll bet you an overpriced pack I can perfect the concoction with four tablespoons of formaldehyde and a tray of sundried tobacco.

438 friends are interested in my day-to-day details. And it’s easy to stay in touch with all of them. Friends and family scattered across the world? So, what? Thanks to Facebook we are virtually part of their lives. We can share real feelings of jealousy when the hundreds we are closest to are doing cooler things than we are.

[pullquote align=”right”]”Facebook forces you to remain hunched over. There is no respite from staring at your screen.”[/pullquote]

In a way Facebook groups people just as smoking areas group people. If you’re smoking at the same time as someone, a conversation could occur. And unlike Friend #403 (your old roommate’s ex-boyfriend who lives in Sarnia), you could actually have one of your fellow smokers over for dinner. Maybe smokers are onto something.

I suppose smoking is also a good break. I’m the first to admit it can get really stressful working at a desk all day. Even if one’s willpower says, “Don’t stop studying,” a nicotine craving yells, “GO SMOKE!” And you must go.

I thought Facebook was a good break, but maybe I was wrong. If you’ve been sitting at a computer all day, clicking through Facebook in your spare time forces you to stay put. Facebook forces you to remain hunched over. There is no re-spite from staring at your screen. Gone is that tiny opportunity could have otherwise seized to get up and re-caffeinate.

I HAVE had fun times with that social media database. I’ve giggled out loud. I’ve absolutely spread the good word of memes and the latest in cute dog photos. But is it all for naught? Am I wasting my time on the wrong addiction?

Wait! I’ve got it! Facebook is good for procrastination! Constant status updates means it’s always new and exciting. But maybe a nicotine rush is new and exciting every time…

I’ve got it! Smoking will kill me. So smoking is the worse addiction. No question. Sorry, hold on. I just got a Facebook message.

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