Mystical Mama Angie reads the stars: Fauxroscopes


Mama Angie says if this week is your birthday: Pacific white-sided dolphin nose a surf-ire way to have an awesome year. Live life like you’re a squid again! Wave at strangers & jump up when you’re happy! Treat being dolphin-like as a rubberth.
Pacific white-sided dolphin nose a surf-ire way to have an awesome year. Live life like you’re a squid again! Wave at strangers & jump up when you’re happy! Treat being dolphin-like as a rubberth.

ARIES (March 21 – April 20)

Swimming Sockeye says follow your streams. If your current situation is tough, you just have to be efishent, bear it, and keep chasing the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow (trout).

TAURUS (April 21 – May 21)

Sea otter says you don’t have flippers so put on slippers! In other words, embrace the cold season by staying cozy and warm! Relax. Like otter, lie on your back, and throw snacks on your belly. Enjoy!

GEMINI (May 22 – June 21)

Migrating goose says follow your inner compass, Gemini. E-vee-ry day. Only you know deep down the path that’s right for you.  And if anything gets in your way? HONK!

CANCER (June 22 – July 23)

Starfish says you get five points for every new friend you make this week. Report back next week. If you’ve done well we’ll reward you with a krillion high fives.

LEO (July 24 – Aug. 23)

Barnacle says you’ve been roughin’ it for too long. For life to go more smoothly, keep you place tideier. Once that’s taken care of, pool resources with your closest friends and head out on an escrapeade.

VIRGO (Aug. 24 – Sept. 23)

Jellyfish says something interesting will happen at tentaclock sometime this week. No-sting must get in the way of you discovering what this is. Be on alert, it may be tentaclular.

jelly
Jiggle your jelly, Virgo! A semi-certified astrologist always knows where the tentacle goes. Photo courtesy of Stock Xchng.

LIBRA (Sept. 24 – Oct. 23)

Killer whale says it’s orcay to change your plan, Libra. Belly-ieve in yourself. Don’t flip out if things don’t go your way. And on this new course you’ve chosen, look forward to some ex-cetacean.

SCORPIO (Oct. 24 – Nov. 22)

Daddy long-legs says if you get backed into a corner, there’s still many angles from which to look at your situation. If life feels upside down, it just might be. Be patient and a window of opportunity will open.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 – Dec. 21)

Crab says it’s your year for learning. Don’t be embarrassed if you don’t know the answer. Ask lots of crust-ceans. By the end of the year you’ll be well red and snappy.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 – Jan. 20)

Grizzly Bear says this week you can effurtlesslly do whatever you want. The pawssibilities are endless. It’s your chance to try something new, and succeed. Yup, it’s just a beary, beary, good week.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 – Feb. 19)

Coyote says howls it going, Aquarius? Not so good? Maybe it’s time you found a new mange squeeze … or just appreciate more, the one you have. What? You’re already happy? Well, howlehlujah.

PISCES (Feb. 20 – Mar. 20)

Deer says if you’re feeling fenced in, try, try stagain. No one has all the antlers, least of all you. And remember it’s less about gradze, and more about doing the best you can.

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Get your graze on, Pisces. Photo courtesy of Stock Xchng.

 

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